They say your first love will always be special. But sometimes things don’t work out and you break up. You may find another partner later in life, but sometimes it becomes difficult to move on. Past relationship issues can sometimes get in the way and cause problems in your current relationship. Read on to discover the signs that your previous relationship is affecting your new relationship.
Dealing with a breakup can be difficult. Some people may find it harder than others to leave the relationship and tend to hold on to it cognitively and emotionally, notes Mimansa Singh Tanwar, clinical psychologist, head of the Fortis School Mental Health Program, Fortis National Mental Health Program .
The tendency to ruminate on what led up to it, why it happened, whether they did something wrong, whether they are not good enough for their partner are some of the common thought patterns that keep them fixated in the past. And so the person continues to wander in feelings of anger, love, disappointment, sadness or pain.
Signs that your past relationship is influencing a new relationship
People who tend to define themselves (or their sense of identity) more with the relationship are those who feel like they’ve lost part of their own self and find it difficult to let go, the expert says. Here are some red flags:
1. Lack of trust
Bad experiences in a previous relationship can lead to concerns about similar events in the new relationship. As a result, the person may find it difficult to trust the new partner and may jump to conclusions about situations with the loved one.
2. Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence due to a failed relationship can often lead to a negative self-image. This often causes the person to struggle with feelings of “I’m not nice” or “not good enough.” The person may seek a lot of security or enter into conflicts over small issues.
3. Comparisons
Every partner and every relationship is different. The inability to appreciate the uniqueness and compare the past relationship or the characteristics of the partner with the new one can lead to difficult adjustments in the new one.
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4. Fear of the unknown
Fear of what the future will bring, what the new partner would be like, whether or not their values, traits or interests would be compatible can make it difficult to enter into a new relationship.
5. Attachment style
People who tend to develop strong bonds and deep connections in their relationships may find it challenging to let go. This can also affect the new relationship.
6. Romantic preoccupations
Some people become preoccupied with romantic experiences from their past relationships, which can get in the way of an effective new relationship, says Tanwar.
How to deal with a broken relationship?
It is important to deal with the loss of a relationship in a healthy way. While you recognize and acknowledge the emotional impact, you must understand that ending a relationship is simply a part of life. That one relationship does not define your entire life or you. There are many more aspects to what defines you as an individual. You have skills, abilities, and other relationships with family and friends that you can be proud of. It’s all about maintaining a positive self-image and taking it as a learning experience.